Future Goal: Self Publishing

Posted on by CM Schofield

I’ve been thinking a lot this last year or so about my writing and what it means to me, and even more so what my goals for it are. Writing has always been a pursuit of passion, of fun, and I didn’t even think about trying to get published when I was a kid or even when I got “serious” again after university. Somewhere along the way though I realised that I wanted to put my work out there. If I was putting all of this time and effort into it, I wanted something tangible that I could hold in my hands and be proud of. For a while, I thought traditional publishing was what I wanted and even spent a good chunk of time querying. It was during that time though that I realised something.

I had lost a lot of my passion. I wasn’t writing what I wanted to and was worrying about what an audience would want to see in my books. My themes had changed and my characters flattened. I was thinking too hard on what an agent might want and not what I might want. This was all very subconscious, so subconscious that I would only much later realise that I was losing my love of writing and of my stories. 

Some of you may recall around the end of 2020, I decided to spend NaNoWriMo writing a story that was just for me, with no intention of ever sharing it with anyone. One with every trope and trash that I loved without worry. 

That was the easiest NaNoWriMo I ever won, and only the second time I had ever actually COMPLETED the story within the month (the only other time was my very first year). This was when I started realising that I was making a mistake. Yes, I wanted my novel to become something more than a private file on my computer, but I didn’t want to think of it like a business. I didn’t want to worry about markets and trends or anyone else even liking it.  

Now this may sound like a strange conclusion, given the title of this post, as self publishing surely means you have to be even MORE business minded, right? Not necessarily. The beauty of self publishing is that you can pursue it in line with what your actual goals are.

It can be for the most hard-core of career writers, who put in their hearts and souls, and who create amazing and fruitful writing careers from it. But it can also be for the ones like me, the ones who just want the joy of sharing their story even with a handful of people. 

There are a number of benefits to self publishing that have made me realise that it is right for me, specifically.

  • I can write what I like without worrying about the market
  • Complete creative control
  • No querying to stoke my anxiety
  • I can set all of my own deadlines
  • I just want to share my work with those few who might be interested

All of these things have made me realise that self publishing is the way forward for me. It aligns with both my end goals and with the way I want to enjoy writing. It gives me control over my work and also the process. And that is why I’m really pleased to finally say out loud, even though I know that there’s a lot of work ahead, that I’m going to do it.

I am going to self publish my work.

Long width-wise image of two stacked bookshelves filled with books.

NaNoWriMo – Ten Years, Ten Wins

Posted on by CM Schofield

This post is a few days early considering it’s not quite the end of November yet, but I have the exciting news already so let’s go! As we approach the end of the yearly madness, let’s have a look at how I did.

First up – I won! Woo hoo! Ten years in a row doing NaNoWriMo and ten wins. I’m very happy with that! Feels weird to think that I’ve done this every year for almost a third of my life but I also couldn’t imagine my year without it. I look forward to it every year and always appreciate the challenge and inspiration that it brings me. Even in the hardest years (2021 being a prime example), I’ve still managed to get myself writing thanks to this event. So, to the NaNoWriMo team, thank you.

Yellow banner with drawn floral designs with the text: "Spoonwood for perseverence. WINNER. NaNoWriMo2022"

I anticipated this being a tough year but it actually went very smoothly, despite petering out a bit towards the end of the 50k. I was writing a story, The Maggie Celeste, that I had thought about a lot for several years and I was very hyped for my ten-year anniversary. Things slowed down around the middle of the month, partly because my ridiculous October meant that I didn’t have time to plan more than the first third of the book properly and partly because of Game Freak’s notorious habit of releasing new Pokemon games in the middle of November. That said, I made my way to the 50k mark fairly comfortably, which is nice since after That October I really didn’t want to burn myself out all through November.

A graph showing the date from the start of November to the end of November on the x axis, and word count on the y axis. A grey line shows the linear "on track" word count per day and a blue wiggly line shows my actual progress. The blue starts high above the grey and rising, until around mid November when it gets very close to 50k and becomes almost flat.

As for the story, I’m pretty happy with the start but as soon as I ran out of my plan it all started coming off the rails a bit. Still, I have a good thirty thousand words of it that I’m happy with and now I have the time to sit and plot out the rest. At the very least, I got some nice scenes and character development out of the latter half as well so even if I scrap a lot of it, it shouldn’t feel like time wasted.

What comes next?

Well after my last couple of years which have been rough, I’ve made some big decisions which I’ll talk about later but for now my priorities are as follows:

  • Finish getting The Halfway House beta ready. Pretty close to this one, just on the line edit stage for it.
  • Get The Fairy Godfather beta ready. Again, this one got close to done but I got disillusioned with the series a while back thanks to where my head was at. I’m in a better place now and I refuse to let this trilogy disappear into the depths of draft hell.
  • Do some Through the Black touch ups. Speaking of the Twyned Earth trilogy, there are a couple of things I want to tweak in this manuscript that I’ve noticed which I’d like to get sorted.

There’s a few things I’m working on that aren’t novel related too that I’ll be tinkering with in the background, the main one being giving my website a nice overhaul! It’s been quite stagnant around here since I set up shop in 2012 (oh my god, really?) and a lot of the pages need a refresh. This includes adding in some art galleries! I was originally planning on using InkBlot for this, which I still will, but I didn’t realise that unlike some other art hosting sites you need to have an account to view. Now that I’ve figured out how to make a gallery here without it looking terrible, I think it will be nice to be able to have everything all together.

And that’s it from me! I hope you’ve all had an excellent November. 

Anyone else out there doing NaNoWriMo? How did you do? Remember – any words at all is more than you had, and that’s a win.

Halfway There, NaNoWriMo 2022

Posted on by CM Schofield

Wooooaaahhh, we’re half way there!

Uh, I mean, here we are at the halfway mark for NaNoWriMo 2022! How’s it going you ask? Well, on paper, very good so far. It’s exactly halfway through and I am at 38,814 words out of the end goal of 50,000. Nice. I even got around to setting up my project’s page, though it needs some love when the month is done. However, there are two major challenges up ahead.

Challenge number one: I’ve run out of plan. Yup, not a good one for me. I’m not so good without a plan but thanks to how awful my October was I never got further than section two, which means a few days ago I ran out. Now all I’ve got is three sentences describing what happens in the last three sections of the book. It’s going to be rough from here. Oh boy, it is going to be rough.

So what’s the other issue? GameFreak, my old friend, is back at its usual tricks of releasing a new Pokemon game right in the middle of November. They really do make a habit of this though. It seems almost malicious at this point.

Still, I have set myself in good stead for the rest of the month. I’m at the point where I need less than 800 words per day to finish. This is certainly doable, provided I don’t run into too many problems with the story. The problem is that if I can do, it could really stall me out. This is year ten though, I am determined to make it and this head start has just got me even more encouraged.

I hope all my fellow NaNoWriMo-ers out there are having a good month! And the regular reminder that, even though I am determined to hit this goal, it’s not the end of the world if you don’t. It’s just about getting yourself kickstarted. 

Got some words done this month? That’s a success right there.

Happy writing, everyone! 

(P.S. I’m going for the fire starter…)

The Ten Year Streak

Posted on by CM Schofield

This year marks my 10th year doing NaNoWriMo and, if I do well, it will end with a 10 year win streak. While exciting, I’m coming into it with challenges. October 2022 was unbelievably difficult for a multitude of reasons. It was just one of those months where EVERYTHING went wrong and there was no rest from the disasters. I’m really, really hoping that November eases up on me. God knows I need it.

Not only that, but this will be my first ever year without Twitter. As a platform, I could leave it any moment. The issue is I’ve made some great writing friends on there from the very first year, people who I’ve met in real life now, people who I’ve stuck with for 10 years. It’s going to be strange doing NaNoWriMo without those who were there at the start, cheering on my progress and sharing theirs with me. Of course I have other ways of contact but it’s not quite the same as having a live feed of everyone sharing their highs and lows, their WIPLines and their story teases. 

Still, I’m determined that nothing will stop me. This year, I’m working on a sci-fi for the first time in a long time! I’m also off to a strong start, which will hopefully give me the momentum to keep pushing through if things do get tough. I’ll make a proper page for my story at some point but, for now, you can follow my progress and read a (very hastily written blurb) here: https://nanowrimo.org/participants/celuth/projects/the-maggie-celeste

For anyone who’s on there, I’ve also joined Mastodon to try and fill the void of similarly afflicted writers shrieking about their novels! You can find me at @CMSchofield@writing.exchange

Good writing, everyone!

The 2022 Goal Post (Finally)

Posted on by CM Schofield

Where have I been? The start of 2022 and the year’s goals.

I did, many months ago, promise an update about where I’d been and to come up with a list of goals for the year. Considering we’re already  over halfway through said year, they aren’t going to be anything to write (ahaha) home about. I’m sure that comes as no surprise, considering my last post. So, where HAVE I been?

Mentally, very low. And in and around all of that, I have been: job hunting, starting new job, moving cross country, living in a less than ideal situation for a few months, enduring the joy of house hunting, going through the process of buying a home (which they make far more stressful than it needs to be but I’ll save whining about that for elsewhere), trying not to mess up my probation at my new and very challenging job, moving again, getting the whole place furnished, and getting a cat. 

I now live in a lovely flat which has furniture and a small furry family member named Scone. I have officially passed my probation period at the new job, and slowly my brain is coming back around to being vaguely useful once more. How nice. Almost at the point now where I feel like I have time to breathe. 

Now I’ve already been doing a touch of writing here and there, but I now have my new office set up (words cannot describe how excited I am about this), and it is time to WRITE!

But what am I working on?

  1. The Halfway House – I really want to get this beta ready. Not sure it’s totally achievable since I want to be prepped well for NaNoWriMo and we’re already well through the year, but I’ll be aiming to at least have my line edits on paper finished by the end of December. 
  2. NaNoWriMo – This year will be my 10th year doing NaNoWriMo and, if I win, will mark a 10 year win streak. It’s happening, even if I’m mashed potatoes by the end of it.
  3. Reading – When my mental health is bad, I get into the habit of either rereading books over and over or not reading at all. As a writer, reading widely is one of the most useful things I can do to improve (plus it’s just really fun and I miss it), so I’m going to be focusing on getting back in the habit of reading every day like I used to, even if it’s just 20 minutes before bed. 
  4. Health stuff – A few things I want to do to help myself feel better. Mental health going splat has a great way of letting your physical health go splat too.

I wouldn’t expect blog posts to become regular again until next year at least but I’ll try and post things here as I can. Overall going to be focusing on the fun stuff though. I hope everyone has had a better 12 months than I have, and hoping things carry on the way they’re going now.

To cheer everyone up from my whining, may I present, Scone:

The beast.

Rest in Pieces, 2021.

Posted on by CM Schofield

It is me, the one who disappears randomly for long stretches of time! I made a post on Twitter at the start of January stating that pretty much everything was on hold thanks to life really laying it on for a while. I’m really glad I went into 2021 with the expectation that it was going to be more of the same shit as 2020 because that way it wasn’t too much of a shock to the system that 2021 turned out to be much, much worse. 

On the plus side, 2022 is off to a far better start, so that’s something. More on that and what I’ve been up to in my next post. For now, let’s finally put that godforsaken year to bed with the round up of my goals and how I did. Spoiler alert: not well. 

  1. Write 1 short story per month – This one never recovered and I can’t say that’s surprising. 
  2. Get something beta ready – Considering how my year was, I’m proud of how well I did on this one. I didn’t finish but I’m very close to being at the line edit stage and I can’t wait to carry on working on this. The Halfway House was one of the few things keeping me going last year, even when I couldn’t work on it. 
  3. Read new books – Another big flop. I’ve done better already this year than I did the entirety of last year. Not sure if that’s a tragic thing for last year or a good thing for this one. 
  4. Keep Through the Black on submission – This started off well, and it wasn’t until relatively late in the year when everything really went sideways that it stumbled. Another fail but again, it was a bad year and a bad time. 
  5. Keep up blog posts – I think we all know the answer to this one. 

Moving on to some non writing related ones:

  1. Draw 1 piece of art per month – My poor 2021 art folder didn’t even get 12 finished pieces for the whole year, never mind one per month. Pretty gutted about it but other things needed to take priority. 
  2. Weight goal – Ell oh Ell. 
  3. Voice Therapy – I technically succeeded at this one! My goal was to speak on voice chat to my gaming peeps and I did! Like twice. It still counts, and I’m planning on being more consistent this year. The first time is the worst time and that’s out of the way now. 

One out of eight is a new low for me, and I’m hoping this is my rock bottom for bringing myself back up again. Though I’m going to be cheating by setting myself way less than I normally would, especially since I’m expecting more disruption through the year (though if all goes to plan that’s going to be far more controlled and exciting disruption).

Here’s to 2021, may you rest in a ditch somewhere!

The Halfway Mark 2021

Posted on by CM Schofield

Well. Halfway through the year already. My goodness.

This year has certainly been a strange one. I didn’t think there could be much more upheaval for me personally than Brexit drama and a global pandemic but life likes to keep things spicy. Who knew that going into lockdown would be a lot easier than coming out again? I mean I, as many introverts did, liked to joke about that a lot at the start but I truly wasn’t prepared for the emotional and mental toll it’s been taking. It turns out as well that there may be another issue contributing to that but I need to get to a doctor first before I’d feel comfortable talking about it (it’s nothing to worry about, just something that might explain a few a lot of things). It’s not been the easiest environment to focus on my writing goals.

So, in the middle of everything that has been going on, how have those 2021 goals been progressing?

  1. Write 1 short story per month – This has completely flopped. I managed two and then it all went wrong. Oh well. I tried! And I’ve not (totally) given up. The “per month” part might be dead and buried but I can still bash some out before the end of the year. There are a few old short stories that I’m planning on refurbishing and posting up here for your viewing pleasure and there are a few that I’ve got ideas for that I may eventually get around to scrawling somewhere. 
  2. Get something beta ready – Actually going well! No one would have expected at the start of the year (especially not me) that I’d stick working on one project for 8 months straight but here we are. Looks like The Halfway House just really speaks to me. I’m about three quarters through what is for me the slowest and least enjoyable part of editing, and then I’m on what normally feels like the downhill. I don’t want to jinx it but this one is currently ahead of schedule.
  3. Read new books – I’ve not kept up with my goal (and I’ve given up on hitting it) but I’ve managed to chalk up a few on this one. Hopefully without any big beta reading obligations for the rest of the year I might increase pace a little but I’m not holding my breath just yet.
  4. Keep Through the Black on submission – Technically yes. A few months I’ve left it a bit longer than was probably reasonable to hear back before sending it out again but I have kept up with sending it out, even if I’ve dragged my feet for a couple of weeks here and there. I’m still classing this one as on track, considering, well… everything.
  5. Keep up blog posts – Whoops. You haven’t heard from me since mid-May, so I think we know how this one’s going. That aside, I haven’t been doing too bad for me and I’ve got a backlog of ideas I just need to get on paper. Then hopefully I can post weekly for a while to catch up. So shaky, but I have hope on this one.

Moving on to some non writing related ones:

  1. Draw 1 piece of art per month – Failed this one too. Currently at four months out of six. However, some of the pieces I’ve made I’m really proud of and I can see a marked improvement on where my art was last year. A fail on paper but not one I’m too broken up about. Again, I’m hoping to ramp this one up again once things become a little more normal again. Just…  just don’t watch the news, okay?
  2. Weight goal – It’s gone in the right direction? That counts. Not enough yet to help with dysphoria but I’m taking that as a win for where we are in the year.
  3. Voice Therapy – I started it, just need to get consistent and then get the courage. I was even relatively consistent for a bit but fell off the wagon. Still, it’s a starting place and I’m building up my skills again. Gonna mark this one down as on course. 

Not the most hopeful midpoint of a year I’ve ever had but I like to think that I’m doing pretty well, considering. It’s been a rough year and I hope you’re all doing well. We’ll get there together.

A Dance in the Dark

Posted on by CM Schofield

She twirls beneath the silver moon,
An eve in which grim omens loom.

Ducking, weaving in ways that might,
Distract me from my mundane plight.

Her dance is feral, yet it’s not,
Her moves create a peaceful spot.

I can’t recall my painful path,
My tears are gone, as is my wrath.

The forest’s danger, a memory past,
Here I stay, my feet stuck fast.

A dark mind had brought me here,
A bleak and twisted wretched fear.

Those thoughts, those feelings, melt away,
And here, forever, I wish to stay.

As here I found her, sprinkled with blood,
Twigs and grass and spatters of mud.

A circlet around, the most subtle clink.
She turns to me. I cannot think.

Now on my neck lays chain of bone,
And from now on I am never alone.

A Non-Writing Related Ramble About Eddie Izzard

Posted on by CM Schofield

I’ve spent a lot of time umming and ahhing about whether or not I wanted to post this. I don’t often talk about The Big Things because I’m not good at it, plus there’s a couple of IRL friends following this account who I’ve never technically come out to (though there’s a really good chance they’ve guessed by now). Anyway, I’m talking about the fact that Eddie Izzard is really important to me. 

I’m someone who is really self conscious about my gender. I struggle to express myself in public and often even in private, and I’m extremely hesitant to label myself with the word that I know is me. I still have so many hang ups where I’m afraid of being derided or told I’m making things up or worst of all that I’m actually harming people with “real” gender identity issues. All this despite it being a doctor and gender specialist who gave me the word “genderfluid” in the first place. 

Eddie Izzard has been a household name in my family since before I was even born. My parents are huge fans of her comedy. There were never any comments made about her appearance (except my mum occasionally mentioning liking her tops). I even remember my dad praising her for the phrase: “They’re not women’s clothes, they’re my clothes. I bought them.” Eddie Izzard was just Eddie Izzard. There was nothing strange or off about her. She was just Eddie Izzard.

When Eddie came out as genderfluid it was huge for me. To see someone like myself, who would present in wildly different ways depending on the day, to use the same word as me was incredible. It was especially impactful as this was someone who was, and continues to be, a very popular and accepted name in my family’s house. It’s strange how a complete stranger’s gender can have such an impact on one’s own feelings of legitimacy, but it really can. It certainly can’t be said that my parents really understood what being genderfluid meant but they accepted it and that’s really what matters.

I’m incredibly lucky that my parents have always been so supportive (if often very confused) about my gender dysphoria and I’m eternally grateful for that. Though, because we’re a family that tends not to talk too much about deep things such as this and it was such a non-issue for them, I’m fairly sure my dad’s probably forgotten. That’s fine though because now I know that if I ever need any more lifts to the hospital or even a pronoun change, I’m not risking losing my family over it. It’s an incredibly privileged position to be in. In some ways, I really won the parent lottery. 

The point is, it is so amazing and so important to have someone I can look up to, who is out there using these labels and showing the world that we exist and we are real. Though it does make me just a little sad because I know that she probably never had anyone like that when she was young and confused like I was. 

Trans people being out and proud and presenting themselves how they want with the pronouns that are properly theirs does not hurt or take away from anyone. It just doesn’t. But it really does give the world a whole lot. 

2021 Goals

Posted on by CM Schofield

Hoooooo boy, here we go again. New year, new goals, though a lot of them are going to be veeery similar. Still, I find announcing them makes me more focused and less likely to abandon them. 

  1. Write 1 short story per month – Writing short fiction is not something that I do often, nor is it something that I’m good at. It is, however, a good way to improve your writing and a much quicker way to get samples of your writing critiqued, which is an invaluable thing for developing as a writer. As such, I want to try and write at least one piece of short fiction per month, be it as a random prompt or for specific submissions. 
  2. Get something beta ready – I don’t want to commit to a specific project this year as things happen and the way I feel at the start of the year certainly won’t be indicative of what I want to be working on later on. I want to commit to getting another draft beta ready, but this time around I’m not going to commit to a specific one. 
  3. Read new books – Another in the essential tasks for honing my writing skills. I’ve fallen into the bad habit of constantly rereading old favourites which, while safe and enjoyable, aren’t helping me broaden my skills. I’ve a set number of books I’ve never read before that I’d like to achieve before the end of the year.
  4. Keep Through the Black on submission – Fairly self explanatory. I don’t want to let myself get disheartened or lazy. This is something I need to keep on top of and plan to, no matter how harrowing it gets. 
  5. Keep up blog posts – I know if I don’t keep some accountability for this one is going to go straight out of the window. In 2020 I got more blog views than I have done any other year! Moving into 2021 I want to keep up that momentum and do more interesting posts about writing and resources (for example, my Trello post that got a lot more engagement than I’m used to!) and hopefully some more stories as well. 

Moving on to some non writing related ones:

  1. Draw 1 piece of art per month – This was a success last year and not only made me keep up with my practice and facilitated a real, visible improvement in my art but it gave me an awesome collage at the end, and I’m a sucker for a collage. It also gave me the confidence (lol kinda) to finally bring to the canvas some of my characters(!) which has been one of the main reasons I wanted to draw anyway. Bringing up those skills to give my favourites faces is definitely an end game goal and one I intend to keep working towards this year! 
  2. Weight goal – Yup, the usual one. It’s a lower priority one but one I want to deal with to keep on top of dysphoria and stuff. 
  3. Voice Therapy – Same as above, although this one has been SEVERELY neglected since I moved away from my local GIC. Time to get back on it properly. If I get the confidence to talk over Discord again while I’m gaming before the end of the year, I’ll consider this one a success. 

So there you have it, my goals for 2021! I’ve tried to keep it easier this year so no big, specific goal really, just little things I can chip away at throughout the year. I have a few manuscripts that are close to beta ready and one that isn’t but I’m completely obsessed with currently, so with any luck and a bit of work at least ONE of those will be ready by the end of the year. 

I’m anticipating a pretty rough start to 2021 thanks to the UK handling Coronavirus like a toddler handling Gran’s favourite porcelain and some essential staff at my place of work moving on to better pastures, but after last year I’m moving on with a new attitude. None of this new year “fresh start, clean slate, all gets better from here” nonsense. Going through 2020 was like going through the washing machine, and I’m fully expecting 2021 to be the spin cycle. I’m keeping my head down, eyes on what’s in front of me, and am just going to do what I can.

Happy New Year everyone!