A Waffle About Anxiety and Pitches

Creativity is difficult to keep up with when you’re struggling with health issues. This past week my anxiety has left me a total wreck, which has been great. There’s nothing wrong, aside from the fact that I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and sometimes get flare ups where things are really bad. That’s why there was no post this last Sunday. I knew one was due but I just… couldn’t. Even thinking about it made me want to throw up. 

Despite this being a rough week, I’ve still managed to make some good progress on The Halfway House, the passion project that’s still living firmly in my “fluff” projects folder for things I write purely for myself, without casting the expectation that this will be for any other audience. This is remarkably therapeutic and I’d highly recommend other creatives who struggle with mental health issues to have at least one project like this. No such thing as too tropey or too much banter in this novel. I can write what I like and soothe my soul that way without thinking “oh, this is bad”. When I am the target audience, I can be as awful as I want. Working on a project like this is one good way to keep at least a tiny bit productive and keep the mind distracted.

There are some things that can’t be easily worked around though. For example, this Thursday brings around another nerve wracking episode of PitMad, the Twitter pitch contest where authors put out their pitches and hope for some engagement from agents. It might not be the smartest idea, but I’m still intending to participate even if I’m still feeling like this by then. I don’t intend to let this hinder me any more than it has to, even if the way I deal with it is by scheduling tweets days in advance for when I’m going to be very busy at work and with a plan to be chugging Kalms all day. 

I’m going to cross my fingers and hope something good comes of it but mostly on the day, I’m going to try and pretend it’s not happening. Sometimes that’s the best we can hope for.

Take Care of Yourself

Some of you might have noticed I’ve been very quiet online recently and I apologise for that. Things have been a bit tough and I haven’t been able to keep on top of much. A few posts ago I spoke about suffering from anxiety related to my day job. Unfortunately that didn’t get better, in fact it got worse until I hit breaking point.

I don’t want to go into it further but I’m no longer in that job and am instead looking for something new and less awful for my health. A bit scary but definitely the right decision. Learn from my mistake and take your mental health seriously. And by seriously, I mean keep an eye on it. I still find it hilarious that the anxiety pills I’ve been put on have the common side effect of NIGHTMARES. I still think laughing at things is the best medicine.

Don’t let things get bad if you know they’re going that way. Don’t pretend that nothing is wrong, that everything will get better if you just persevere. Listen to the signs.

Anyway, my point is I quit my job yesterday and had my best night sleep in two months last night. Time for a fresh start, a more suited job, and a bucket tonne of writing. And hopefully after a couple of weeks of recovery, a more myself me.

Take care of yourselves, everyone.

Really.